Can't you say I love you?
by AntisocialGamer
Summary: A alternate version of the ending of Season 2 episode 13. Hope you enjoy! :)


"Our first stop is Dallas. There's this Bar B Q joint that you're gonna love."

She's always wanted me to join her on tour ever since we dated. And I totally want to do that. I would do anything for her as long as she's happy with the results. Yeah, we might have our ups and downs but as long as she's still with me, I think we're okay...

That's what I would be saying if I wasn't about to drop a huge bomb on everything we had. Reagan has been my everything and she still is. But due to the fact that I really want to go to college and graduate with Karma, I think she's about 99% of my life at the minute. The small percentage is all about dorms and high IQ classes. And that small percentage is huge. Way huger then her? How could that be?

Well, maybe it's because of the fact that we only been dating for a while. Or we met in the most craziest way and coincidentally we crossed one another at the underground party. Or because I just wanted to make out with her for no pair of reason and we ended up doing that all the time.

Or maybe it's because she doesn't trust me. And who could blame her? I've lied to almost everyone in my life- She isn't the first. But I really wished she was the last. Sadly, that's a super power I have. Leaving lies and broken hearts everywhere I go. So this sure as hell wasn't going to be different right?

My body says otherwise. It feels like there's a huge lump in my throat. As if my heart is trying to jump right out of my mouth and to the ground so I could die. I can barely move my arms or legs and it's not because of Reagan's body on mine. Weird. Maybe it's guilt talking.

And I can't help but let it talk. Just let it wonder about the so called future I have awaiting for me...

"And when we drive to El Ma-redo? Wait until you see Cadillac Ranch!"

I told myself, okay, this is it. Take a good long look at this room, Amy. Take a good long look at all the punk and peace designs around. Take a good long look at her. Her dark eyes. Her ever changing hair. Her lips... Just take one good long look before it goes down...

Okay. Here we go...

"Reagan, I can't go on the road with you this Summer..."

She froze. Her whole body just froze after that one sentence. I can just feel her heart being dropped on the floor and smashed into billion pieces. Phase One. Now for phase two, I hope I'm ready. The arguing. I never loved fighting with her. It broke my heart. And that's probably what's going to happen now. But I deserved this. I should be going through all this pain and suffering with no tears. So let's get this over with. For my sake. And her's.

With a quick shift to her body rising up, she found herself looking straight at me. I was looking straight at the devil. And I was afraid of what she was going to say. But my mind just whispered, 'Let it all out. Give me all you got. I can take it. I need it... I want it.'

So she gave it to me.

"Let me guess, Karma talked you out of it?" Oh. Did those words just hit me so hard? Yet it also made me kind of pissed. Why is it always Karma with her? I mean, yeah, I loved her once. But it's not always her. Most of the time, it's either Lauren or my mom. If only she had seen them more often, she would understand true pain. Too bad she never will. My turn.

"No," I whispered to her with a voice filled of regret. "She just reminded me of who I am."

"And who is that exactly?" She asked, just making the lump in my neck develop more and more into a wall. No. I couldn't get cold feet now. I had to do this. I-. I had to get this through her thick skull. My thick skull. That this is what I want. And that I will never be the one for her.

As I try to find the words, I finally replied back, "That I'm a sexually confused girl who... Wants to go to College."

"So you're not a lesbian, either."

Yeah.

"... I don't know. The best answer I can give you is. Maybe?" Reagan just rolls her eyes at me in disgust. Please don't do that, I tell myself in my mind... P-Please don't. It... It just makes it harder. Don't do that! "I just don't have it all figured out like you do."

"Hardly... I don't have everything figured out like... I have no idea how I'm going to get over you."

... Ouch. She just dropped the foot on me like that. I'm... I'm not going to lie, at least.. Um... At least that was a way easier way of saying, "Amy, I'm dumping you." I can understand... Crap, I'm getting watery eyes now. No, Amy. Don't let it control you. Don't let the waterworks flow, damn it. What should I do... Breathe, first of all... Second, ask. See if you have a chance, even if you don't.

"Um... Okay. Does this have to be the end," I stutter through the tears that dared to roll down my face.

"We're just in different places, Amy... As much as I wish we weren't..." Holy shit. She's crying... What. What the fuck have I done? She's not supposed to be shedding tears for a idiot like me! A... A social bitch like me! She's supposed to hate me! A liar that has been ruining her life for the pass weeks! She's not supposed to cry- I don't want my Reagan to cry... N- Now I'm crying too! And... And she probably notices but doesn't care... Please don't care. Please. I don't deserve this fake love we have...

"Can I have. One last kiss?"

Why the hell would I say that? She wouldn't do it!... Actually, she did share one last kiss with me and... It felt. Different... It wasn't a lustful kiss like the ones we always have. No. It was. Heartwarming. Romantic... Real... It was a brand new kiss. One that I have never experienced until now... Wow...

Why didn't she do this often? Why do I care? It's not like she loves me or anything! She just really likes me! And I really like her! We just make out and argue everywhere we go and that's that! We have no chemistry at all! This... I shouldn't be doing this... I need to leave... I hurt her too much and... I want the hurting to stop already. For her...

When the kiss ended, we parted our separate ways. I expected her to say she hated me. To kick me straight out of her place. To tell all her roommates that Amy is sick and twisted. But instead. The unexpected happened.

She pulled me back into that kiss lovingly. And sadly, I took it back. We stayed in that loving stance for what felt like hours until she pulled me back and whispered in my ear as she held me tight.

"I-... I should really hate you and leave you alone... But a day without you. Is like a eternity. Amy... I need you..."

"Reagan... I... I can't go with you on tour- I'm sorry... I just can't..."

The silence around us became more apparent now. And I just couldn't help but let my waterfalls flow without stopping. I just asked myself. Is this really love? If I really loved her, I would stop her. I care for her but... Damn it. This is so confusing and sick to me! Reagan, please. Just call all this off already- I can't take it anymore!

"Reagan-."

"Then I'll drop the gig."

"... W-What?"

"... Amy... I understand you want to go to college. And... And I want to go on tour. But you've been wanting to do this for a very long time, I bet. And so have I. Then again. I gotta ask myself... What do I care for the most? A tour to take with just my bandmates and being drooled all over by crazy rocking fans who actually love my music? Or a girl that has almost died, lied her way out of things, and done everything for me. Think about it... This tour. Would have brought me to a record label. But it would never bring me affection like you, Amy... That's why. This one time... I'm willing to drop this tour. Just for you..."

I could hardly breathe when she said those words. And it wasn't because of the tears. It was because for what felt like forever, she finally told me I mean so much to her. And that feels. Good... Refreshing. I feel so. Loved... Reagan is such a doll. But I can't let my doll drop everything for a loser like me. It's unfair.

"You don't have to do all the heavy lifting. You can go on tour and just leave a pathetic excuse for a girlfriend here."

"Amy... Don't you ever say that," She responded with a dash of venom in her voice. The venom that kind of tore a crack inside of me for a second. "You are the most amazing girl I have ever met! You have done some badass things just so I can still be with you! If anything. I'm the bad girlfriend. All I ever done was act like a total bitch to you and all I can say every damn day is I'm sorry. I can never do the things you do for me. I'm not a real girlfriend, period. To be honest, I don't... I don't deserve your love... But I need it in my life. To keep me sane! You keep me sane, Amy... And that's why I can't let you go- that's why I have to do this. For us... So please. Stop beating yourself up. Let me take the hits for you. Because I can't stand to see you beat up anymore! I need you, Amy!..."

"I... I need you too, Reagan..."

"Then. Shut up. And let me kiss you again."

"... Okay..."

And with that, she kissed me. With those beautiful lips of hers. She gave yet another heart warming kiss. A kiss that's making me fall for her just like a long time ago. A kiss that actually tried to reconnect my heart. And it was enough to do so. Sew it right up. But something else made it heal in a instant. And that was what she asked at that exact moment that made the question finally be answered.

"Have I ever told you I love you?"

"... N-No... Sorry, I even forgot to say it myself... I really like you-."

"No. Don't say that... Because I don't really like you... Amy... I love you."

"... I-. I love you too, Reagan."

"Then forget. Forget all this ever happened. Forget the tour. Forget the college. Forget the break up... Just wash all of those pointless memories away. And replace them with happy ones. Take away the pain. And take in the pleasure..."

As like I was cast in a spell, I nodded in understanding before we connected lips again. Before she broke it and kissed my neck ever so gently. Before she gave me new memories to enjoy. That night, I was shown to a whole new Reagan. And I was shown to a whole new us. With our feelings out of the way, I finally realized that she really does love me. That I really love her. Today was yet another bump in the road. And it sucked, don't get me wrong. But together, we were going to get through this. Together.

We were going to take on whatever the world throws at us.

 **I hope you guys liked this. Again, it was just a idea I had, sort of a what if scenario. If you want me to continue, I would gladly. But again, I hope you enjoyed this!**


End file.
